Doubling down on my decision to lead
My new understanding of the responsibility virus has helped me view a lot of my past experiences and, more importantly, my past perspectives in a new light. This has helped solidify my goals of pursuing IT Leadership.
I consider myself an excellent engineer. There is no single topic that I can claim to have completely mastered but I realize that my passion does not revolve around progressively improving at a technology and then moving on to learning the next phase or type of technology which comes after that. I feel confident in my ability to continuously and progressively build my technical knowledge. My passions have pushed me into a position to try and make a greater impact than I could in most individual contributor roles.
In one of my earlier posts, I mentioned considering a demotion. My thought was that I must not like this line of work but I know that I love development, so maybe I just go back and do that. I now recognize that this was just the traumatic swap from over-responsible to under-responsible. I was considering an escape to a role which I had complete confidence that I could perform in.
I realize that this would not have made me happy. After a short recovery period of enjoying my under-responsibility, the same passion which drove me into leadership would start nagging at me. I’d begin to be unhappy as under-responsible and start flexing my technical muscles until I was acting like everyone’s hero and find myself back into the over-responsible position.
What I needed to do, and what I am actively trying to do, is to allow myself to swing out of the over-responsible but do it slowly enough that I don’t gain too much momentum and find myself on the other end of the spectrum. Further more, I have accepted that I am still quite new to leadership and that I have a lot to learn. It is not too much for me to accept the responsibility of my own education and accept that I am still learning how to advance my skills in leadership, unlike my practiced skills of learning about technology.